Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Learning and Relearning

Today, I learned that punctuation marks make a big deal in a sentence… especially 2 or 3 question marks or exclamation marks in it… I have been using such marks often that I tend to neglect its value. And just less than an hour ago, I was reprimanded by someone to lessen such use of consecutive punctuation marks because it felt offensive. What for me was nothing, is offensive to others. Nothing because that is how I express myself in writing. It feels like that is my gay self taking over. I can’t help but feel bad, because no justifications could support my gay self in a corporate set-up where moral and conduct is tight and upright. I have no intention of upsetting or offensively demean a person. That is just me.

When I was starting, I was never cautious with using words like po or opo. We don’t use such words of respect in our dialect so its roots are not as strong as those who are Tagalog. It is our intonation that dictates our respect and our emotions … Of course, po and opo are taught in my Filipino subject but I don’t speak Filipino back home. We only speak Filipino during class and that was basically it. Even if I have stayed here in Manila for more than 6 years before I started work, the po and opo doesn’t rub in quite easily. With that I was perceive to be disrespectful.

When I was at Taguig, I was heard by my officemates casually talk to my boss in English. Then I heard talks that they regard me as “maarte” to the point that they hate me for it. I have justified it in writing a blog, but never got to defend myself to the people, at the same time, I never got to learn who hated me for such a thing. A total first impression scenario, I don’t know if I have erased such notion or I will be forever maarte to them.

So today, like any other day that I was given the wrong impression, I am sad, depressed perhaps. But I learned my lessons, the hard way.

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