Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I need to go back to know that it was right to leave.

I need to go back to know that it was right to leave.

Everytime a friend goes home, I am saddened. Not just because I will be missing them but I envy the fact that they are finally home. For some certain reason, I have that burning yearning for home. It is as if, home is my final destination.

The feeling of need for home is as strong as the time when I needed to go out of my nest when I had an opportunity right after highschool. Idealism ruled my entirety. I was made to believe that my big dreams will be fulfilled in a big city, much bigger than what Bacolod could offer me. So I left and did what needs to be done. I don’t know if plans are on track or that dreams are fulfilled but I know that I wouldn’t do it the other way.

But I realized, that executing my big dreams in a big city will only give me a small fulfillment. Because success is not magnified, I would often feel as if, I am just one of those people, normal and insignificant. Not until I would achieve the lifestyle and ways of living my parents have given me with my own resources, I would not, in any way, feel that I have level-up-ed, or the very least, sustain the life I rejected to live in the big city.

Because that is where all this yearning, this need to go home comes from. I miss my life in the small city where everyone seems to be at awe with what you have achieved. Call it egotistical but sometimes you need a boost with morale. Here, I felt small, ordinary, a small fish in a big open sea.

Back home, small fish or not, I know that the sea is not big.

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